The Object Of His Affections
- February 23, 2011
- Category: Daily Diary
- (20) Comments
A true story for mature audiences.
Question from my turkey mailing list:
Dear Turkey List,
A group of wild toms were in my field yesterday. When they left, my hens left with them. Now my 2 toms pace the fence and seem sad and they attack any male they see including my husband.
Answer:
Dear Henless,
When wild tom turkeys come to visit, lock up your hens. The girls will always leave with them. And tell your husband to be careful and watch his back. Your toms are angry.
I flash back to my teenage years and visions emerge of Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider hitting the road and singing “Born to Be Wild.” Nothing more attractive to teenage girls than those bad boys. Just never knew poultry felt the same way.
We do have wild turkeys all around us. Maybe they will venture into our pasture soon and if they do perhaps my hens will take off with them but it will be because they are being ignored by Mr. Thomas Turkey. He could care less about the girls because he is in love; with me.
It started innocently and I didn’t see it coming. He’s always wanted to be near me and enjoyed it when I would pet him but it was just puppy love. Now that he’s matured, he wants me to know his feelings are real.
As soon as he sees me, he starts fanning his tail and struts in circles around me in an effort to get my attention. When it first started happening, I was a little intimidated by his 35 pounds, long beak and large spurs but I was told by wiser turkey people he means me no harm. So I let him strut. Until yesterday,
After strutting around me a few times, Mr. Thomas started dancing; jumping from one foot to the other. I was so impressed, I started cheering him on. Big mistake.
Next thing I knew his wattle turned bright red and his body started jerking. Oh, help! My turkey is having a seizure! I started to run find Mountain Man but almost as soon as it started, it stopped. Time to head to the computer and ask the experts.
Question:
Dear Turkey List,
Help! I think my turkey just had a seizure. His wattle turned bright red and he started hopping back and forth and his body started jerking. He seems fine now but is he sick? What should I do?
Answer:
Dear Uninformed Turkey Owner,
Your turkey didn’t have a seizure. He’s imitating “the act” to get you to notice him and to show you his skills. Basically, he thinks you’re pretty cute.” He’s harmless but remember, if you turn your back to him, he’s going to hop right on.
I now know more about the birds and the bees than I ever wanted.
Anyone ever had an experience like this? Suggestions?
I never knew life with turkeys could be so interesting…Made me smile today…and laugh… thanks
Date: February 23, 2011
Oh dear!!! : )
Date: February 23, 2011
I am alternately laughing and ewwww-ing in my mind. I have never had that happen to me but it is crazy to hear about. :O)
Date: February 23, 2011
That is too funny! I wish you had captured it on video … think about how many views it would get especially with a catchy title. You could end up on Good Morning America talking turkey about what was really behind his strut!
Date: February 23, 2011
This was a different post for sure and was very interesting too. thanks for sharing.
Whitetail Woods™
Whitetail Woods Blog / Deer Hunting and Blackpowder Shooting at it’s best.
Date: February 23, 2011
Lol, such a cute and comical post.
Mr. T. Turkey is quite impressive all puffed up and strutting his stuff. Too bad his affections are misdirected.
Perhaps Tom and the “girls” need to take a Caribbean cruise together, might remind him that he is high class poultry and not people. Just as long as they don’t end up on the ship’s menu.
Date: February 23, 2011
Wait a minute while I collect myself…
I am assuming you were dressed in full Vermont winter regalia when this happened? Just going about the usual business of tending to a farm and your menagerie? Probably shoveling snow or manure or doing some otherwise unattractive activity?
Lord help poor Tom if he should ever find you in the house lounging in Victoria’s Secret!
This is seriously the funniest thing ever! If you should ever risk…enticing Tom again, make sure Mountain Man has your camera ready.
Once again, I’m nominating this for Post of the Week!
Date: February 23, 2011
NEVER EVER TURN YOUR BACK HE WILL PROVE HIS WORTH!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Date: February 23, 2011
Too funny. That turkey want you to engage in some… fowl play with him.
Date: February 23, 2011
Too funny! I thought I had met a few “turkeys” in my life but your story tops them all!
Date: February 24, 2011
I think old Tom is just frustrated that all his fickle ladies flew the coop and is looking for rebound love. Don’t worry it won’t last. He will get over it once he comes back to his senses and realizes you are a happily married woman.
Have a great turkey day.
Date: February 24, 2011
Oh.my.goodness!! That is the funniest thing I heard today!!!!
I’m not sure thats the safest way to learn about the BIRD and the bees in his bonnet!!! But it sure is the most hilarious way!!!
You DO need your own tv show!!!!!
Date: February 25, 2011
Keep your back to the wall, Sara. Always.
Date: February 25, 2011
I love catching up on your blog, even if I learn things about turkeys I may never have wanted to learn
Thanks for the laugh!
Jen
Date: March 01, 2011
Could be he is making sure he isn’t going to be Thanksgiving dinner-edging his bets-talking turkey. You are funny. Congrats on POTW
Date: March 02, 2011
How funny! I’m clueless about turkeys and thier “behavior” so this was a very interesting bit of info for me!
Congrats on POTW!!
Date: March 02, 2011
Instead of the song Musrat Love it could be made into Turkey Love.i can hear the clucks in the background. Fun tale.
Date: March 02, 2011
Here from Hilary – and glad I came. That was a giggle-filled read!
Thanks – and congrats, POTW mention is well deserved.
Date: March 02, 2011
Hahaha, astounding!
Date: March 03, 2011
Oh dear, I know Turkeys aren’t known for being particularly bright, but you’d think he’d stick to his own species, at least. Evidently Emus are prone to the same sort of thing. An Emu wants to throw on the Barry White and put the moves on you.
I am so very grateful that you did not, in fact, turn your back on him. I can’t quite figure out what part of your anatomy he’d have focused his efforts upon…and I’m so glad that I can’t. Needless to say? Regardless, it would have been the wrong area.
Informative post. I’ll be certain to bar the door if a Tom with a Twinkle in his eye (or waddle) rings the doorbell.
Date: March 03, 2011