Should I or Shouldn’t I?
- August 01, 2009
- Category: Daily Diary
- (36) Comments
I’ve been asking myself this question all week as I debated whether or not to bare all and share some photos with you. It’s easy to sit down and write words but actual photos? Hmm, I’m not so sure. But maybe these photos will help just one person who is struggling at the moment. If so, it’s worth any embarrassment I might feel revealing my secret shame. What are you talking about you ask? My addiction to food and the havoc it wreaked on my life and body.
I’ve written about my struggles and if you want, you can read it by clicking HERE. I didn’t post any photos then. I just didn’t have the courage. And perhaps when I wrote I lost over 100 pounds, without the photos you didn’t believe it. But it’s true. I did.
What prompted this public baring? Last week, Fox TV started a new reality show similar to “The Bachelor” but instead it features heavy women. As I watched the women leave the limo to meet the Bachelor, I was struck by how beautiful each and every one of them was but as I listened to them talk to the camera, my heart broke. So many of them did not feel they were worthy of being loved and they felt this reality show was their only chance to find someone to love them. How sad. These talented, educated women have their hopes pinned on reality television to find true love because they believe they are unloveable.
There are those who are overweight who are happy with their bodies. And to those people, I say that’s fantastic. This post is dedicated to those who are more than 100 pounds overweight and who doubt they can ever lose that much weight. When the scales register over 200 pounds, the journey seems too monumental to even take the first step. I dedicate this post to you because if I can do it in my 50s, anyone can.
Journey with me now on my transformation from normal to fat to morbidly obese (a doctor’s term in essence meaning going to die without intervention) to healthy and fit.
After giving birth, in my late twenties, I was a healthy weight. (That was the era when everyone had permed hair.)
In my mid thirties, I started gaining weight. I was probably about 145 pounds in this photo.
By my late thirties, I had added another 30 pounds. I got so tired of hearing “You have such a pretty face, if only you’d lose some weight.” Well meaning comments from total strangers drove me crazy.
In my 40s, I had ballooned to well over 200 pounds. These photos are painful for me to see. In fact, they are my secret shame. Not only was I extremely heavy, I was unhealthy as well. My breathing was labored and I had no energy. I was on medication for high blood pressure. For a woman who is 5’3′, that is a dangerous weight. When I saw this photo for the first time, I was in denial. That couldn’t be me. But it was.
Two years later, I looked like this. I had stopped weighing myself. Notice the sad expression. This was a group photo and I was caught otherwise there would have been no photo of me at all.
The above picture did it. I couldn’t believe I was that fat. No, that surely wasn’t me. I didn’t look like that did I? Well the camera doesn’t lie. Time to take action. I joined a gym and made myself go. I stopped buying junk food and stocked my shelves with healthy items. It wasn’t easy. No, not at all. It was a battle all the way and one of the hardest tasks I’ve ever undertaken. But God was with me. He was there all the time whispering in my ear and giving me strength. He didn’t promise me an easy time; He required faith and work and sacrifice but I listened.
I started dropping pounds. Here I am losing weight and headed down the scales. I was about 140 in this photo.
And, I know you’ve seen this photo, but here I am at 100 pounds. As with many overweight people, I had trouble finding balance. I was way too thin but it was a struggle to make myself gain weight. Once again, it was a control issue. Let go and let God I had to learn.
I finally found that balance and now I’m a healthy 120 pounds with the blood pressure of a young woman and free of medication. I have maintained this weight now for over 4 years. And, yes, I still struggle with food issues, every day in fact but I now know how to control my destructive behavior. And seriously, don’t I look younger than when I was in my 40s? 
Now you’ve seen the photos. There I’ve bared it all. And I know if I can do it, anyone can. And it’s not about how much money you have and whether you can afford fancy diet programs or expensive prepackaged foods or pills to control your appetite. It’s actually very simple. You just have to want it. I will not lie and say it’s easy because it isn’t. And don’t do it to find “The One.” No, do it because YOU are worth it as a child of God. And, in the end, I guarantee you if you decide to take this most difficult of journeys, you will love yourself.
stopping by from SITS.
WOW…..what an amazing story!!!!!!!
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!
Date: August 01, 2009
Great story, thanks for sharing. Is the man in the tuxedo,the baby you were carrying on your back? Time truly flies by!
Date: August 01, 2009
oops i forgot to say happy SITS saturday sharefest.
i think that is how i say it……anyway go check it out!!!!!!
Date: August 01, 2009
I really admire your gut determination. You helped someone today, by writing about this.
Blessings, Misha
Date: August 01, 2009
Thanks Missy. Yes, Lorenzo, that's my wonderful son.
Date: August 01, 2009
That's an amazing story and one I appreciate you sharing. It does take courage to show the progression, but you're right in that you never who you might help by doing so. If it's not too personal I would love it if you might share how you maintain a healthy balance.
So many of us have food issues even though it may not be obvious.
I don't know how far you are into your fifties, but you do look so much younger than your forties…it's funny how too much weight or not enough can both make us look older than our true age. Congratulations on finding the right balance…you wear it very well.
Date: August 01, 2009
Thanks so much for sharing that. I think most people can related to that on some level. I have struggled with my weight as well and so has my husband. We do better with what we eat when I am home and we are on a schedule. I would love to lose 15 more lbs, I was 187 in 2005 and lost 40 lbs and kept it off so far. He was heavier and lost alot last year. I am reading "the end of overeating". I just usually lack the decipline to make the right choices, but I hope to change that for good. Again, thanks for sharing!!!
Date: August 01, 2009
Don't we all struggle with our weight in some fashion?? I'm from a family that has issues–I have an aunt and two cousins who had gastric bypass, so I'm always watching. I've gained about 8 pounds this year with my new job–I'm sitting more and there isn't enough time to exercise like I used to. Ugh. I will never be 120 pounds–I weighed 125/130 in high school on the swim team, so I'm realistic with what my expectations should be.
I'm glad that you are healthy and thin, but more importantly, happy. Thank you for sharing your story and your emotions with this post.
Date: August 01, 2009
Bless you for sharing this with us. I for one greatly appreciate it. Red Pine Mountain, Mountain Man, God, and the life you now live sure have been a blessing to you.
Date: August 01, 2009
What a journey you have been on in your mind with thees ups and down. I am so glad you were able to find the balance and are healthy now.
I know sharing this is a big thing for you. Congrats on your successful journey.
Date: August 01, 2009
What an incredibly honest story! Thanks so much for sharing this. You have helped me see that whether it is weight or mostly anything, the key is perseverance and faith. Thanks for reminding me that things can always change. Have a great weekend
Date: August 01, 2009
What an amazing, encouraging story. You have so much to be proud of. You look fabulous! What an amazing journey. Thank you for encouraging me to step out in what I know I need to do and allowing God to help me (even when I don't feel like doing it!)
I stopped by thanks to Ratty over at Everyday Adventurer. Very glad he posted a link to your blog!
Happy weekend!
~Jen
Date: August 01, 2009
Bravo! You look lovely!
Date: August 01, 2009
Thank you so much for sharing this with us…gives me pause for thought. Maybe I can do this for myself.
Date: August 01, 2009
You are beautiful inside and out. I am humbled by and honor your journey to become healthy. Thank you for sharing, dear MM.
Date: August 01, 2009
You shouldn't be embarrassed about your journey, after all, this is what made you who you are now, a women to be proud at !
Date: August 01, 2009
I admire your strength and your journey to where you are now.
Everyone of us have some struggle we deal with. It is called life.
It does inspire me to see how you succeeded!
Thanks for sharing.
Have a great weekend.
Pam
Date: August 01, 2009
You are a wonderful person to have shared this. I read this at just the right time, as I have been struggling with trying to motivate myself to start living a more healthy life. Thanks for your courage and willingness to share.
Date: August 01, 2009
That is a fantastic story and it took a lot of courage to share those pictures (something I do not have). It's amazing that it only takes one thing to make us become determined to lose weight. With me, I saw a reflection of myself in a glass door and right there, I decided to lose the weight. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know it will be an inspiration to others.
Date: August 01, 2009
In 1997, I weighted in at 125. I worked very hard to get to that weight. It involved a 70 lb. weight loss to get to that weight. In 2001, my husband retired, his health is in the toilet. I,know I a weigh over 200lbs. now. I try to diet, can't get motivated. I try to walk, can't stick with that either. I've stopped eating between meals and I'd like to reduce my portions. It's hard. When I go to the store, I get all pumped up that I'm gonna get thin. I come and within a day, it's all forgotton. I get depressed. I hide from people I went to school with,I was always arail in school, I Don't go to any of the groups I belong to, I'm embarressed. So, I mostly stay home away from people. Only when I have to take my mother to drs. or store do I go willing. I went and rode my sons horse the other day, and I was afraid I'd hurt his horse and I waited til no one was around to see me ride. I'm alot older now and the thought of physical exercise is scarey. I'm in a funk.
Date: August 01, 2009
Thank you for sharing your story. So many of us have weight issues, and your journey to normal weight gives us hope and encouragement.
I really believe half the problem is in the choices we have in our grocery stores! Have you noticed how many items have high fructose syrup as one of the first ingredients?
I would be very interested in some of your meal plans–recipes too, if you don't mind sharing. You once said that Mountain Man does most of the cooking. What do you eat when he's not home? Not trying to pry, just trying to get ideas for healthy eating.
You are one very beautiful lady–and no, you certainly don't look like you are in your 50's! I'm so glad our paths crossed in Blogland.
*Hugs*
Date: August 01, 2009
You are beautiful. How long did your journey take?
Date: August 01, 2009
You are GORGEOUS!! THANK YOU for posting this expose. It is real and vulnerable. I LOATHE all my fat pictures and miss skinny me. Of course, I had NO idea I was thin. I remember measuring my thighs as a teen and they were 19" at the TOP. I thought I was a cow. I truly didn't know.
I saw the show and know just what you're talking about.
THANK YOU FOR THIS. Truly.
Date: August 02, 2009
You are so brave to share this! I'm sure this will help a lot of people struggling with their weight.
God bless you.
Date: August 02, 2009
Stopping by from the SITS welcome wagon … What a brave woman you are to "bare" it all. I'm glad to hear you've been able to maintain your weight for so many years … I'm in my early 30s and starting to struggle w/stuff after 3 kiddos so I appreciate your words more than you can know.
Date: August 02, 2009
I commend you on this phenomenal achievement. It is an amazing transformation. The final photo is so bright and cheerful and you are just glowing!!
Stopping by from SITS to say hi and welcome. I know that you will enjoy being a part of this vibrant community of bloggers. I have a giveaway for a $50 giftcard on my blog that you may be interested in entering.
carma
Date: August 02, 2009
You are amazing and brave and thank you for sharing your inspiring testimony!
Welcome to the SITS community!
Date: August 03, 2009
Bless you and bravo to you for having the courage to share this journey!
I am so glad you are a healthy weight now!
Tracey
Date: August 03, 2009
hi..visiting here from indonesia..hope you come around my blog soon…
Date: August 03, 2009
I think most women can relate to this….sadly. But, I am in awe of your honesty and the fact that you are always working to overcome it!
Date: August 03, 2009
Good for you! Awesome!
I came by to welcome you to SITS! We're happy to have you with us!
Date: August 03, 2009
WOW! And….Amen.
Date: August 03, 2009
Congratulations on a hard won battle. You look amazing.
Date: August 03, 2009
I've erased this three times, how do I say to you what I feel when I read what you just wrote? I don't know! I really don't.
But this I do know…you opened your soul to us and we love you. You have shared with us some of the most amazing things, and from them we have learned to move to a place of understanding within ourselves.
I am so thankful you are my friend.
Oh, and by the way, You are BEAUTIFUL!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Date: August 04, 2009
Thank you for sharing such a private part of your life. Weight is so tough for many of out here. I struggle with it everyday, and am finally at a good weight, but it sure isn't easy I am constantly hungry.
You look more beautiful today than ever, younger and happier. Congratulations on your strength and achievement.
Date: August 10, 2009
From someone who is partway through their journey to lose 70lbs, who also feels embarrassed to show their photo and also looks in the mirror and thinks negative things, I want to say a heartfelt thank you.
And well done. You look amazing.
Date: August 12, 2009