Of Christmas Faith
- December 26, 2009
- Category: Daily Diary
- (21) Comments
For those who struggle this time of year. You are not alone.
Each Christmas Eve on Red Pine Mountain,I begin my solitary tradition as I have for the past several years. I take one dog and head into the snow covered hills seeking answers to my questions. Verdant green branches surround me as does the smell of pine pitch in the frigid air. Always there is the wind, ever present, whispering answers I so desperately need. I spend time in this church of mine until my soul begins to heal and I head home following a path barely visible in the imminent darkness. The smell of wood smoke from our farm in the valley guides my way.
Not this year. Tradition seems so lost to me far from home in this mysterious, wildly beautiful world of brown and rocks. I grab Toby and head to the lake. An acrid odor arises from the water. I am ill at ease in this environment so alien to me. Toby refuses to wade in the water and we sit on the muddy banks of this land far from Red Pine Mountain. I ask the question I have asked for the past 5 years. Why did God choose this time of year to take my husband? So many lives undone in a moment’s time. Christmas forever more entwined in my life with death. It is still. I start to cry. Brackish tears.
I hear screeching and overhead six hawks circle. Around and around and around, coming closer with each pass. Wings spread, soaring. Toby, usually noisy, is silent. Giant creatures, wild and untamed; like this land. If I reached out, I could touch them but I don’t. I have heard my answer.
God is with us always. And in Him I put my faith and trust. I head home ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
“In my anguish, I cried to the Lord and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.” Psalm 118:5
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That he is.I hope that you had a good Christmas.
Date: December 27, 2009
I am sorry for your loss, but am glad that you turn to God as your refuge. Blessings and hugs to you. :O)
Date: December 27, 2009
I can't imagine going though life and not knowing God. How lonely those people must be. He gives me strength everyday. You have been on my mind the past few days, wondering if would post something new. I'm glad you did. It was beautiful. Hope you had a peaceful Christmas with MM in the Ozarks. I know you miss the mountain very much but you will be back there before you know it.
Date: December 27, 2009
Hope you found your answers and hear God's voice each day.
Take care
Date: December 27, 2009
So beautifully written, Mountain Woman. You bared your heart and shared your honest feelings with us and for that we love you!
Date: December 27, 2009
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find new beauty in your new surroundings.
Date: December 27, 2009
The reason why was to give you another opportunity to give Him the full benefit of your considerable doubts, which you are doing–much to His joy and your ultimate benefit.
Date: December 27, 2009
Thanks for sharing. I don't know the story behind your yearly pilgrimage, but I believe with you in the source of the healing power. Best…
Date: December 27, 2009
Good morning Mountain Woman. I don't know your whole story either, but I envy your ability to quiet yourself, to hear, to see and to know. I wish you inner peace and thank you for sharing from your soul, once again.
Date: December 27, 2009
The journey is long for most of us, the best we can do is hold fast to love , remember the blessings and compassion that have visited us and let the rest go
Date: December 27, 2009
Beautifully written.
You are correct in saying that "those who struggle this time of year are not alone", there are many who have lost dear ones and for some this special and joyous time of year becomes one of deep loneliness and sorrow. However that sorrow is not for those who have gone before us but for ourselves in knowing how much we shall miss them. However they will always be with us in our hearts. Their memories are dear and though we may be saddened that they are not with us, they would not want us to feel such sorrow but rather to recall all the happy moments, the laughter and the good times and to rejoice in those pleasant thoughts.
Often we call out to the Lord and then claim he would not answer, the truth is that we do not listen. He answers but in ways and in voices we may not expect. It was lovely to read that you had heard His answer as He spoke out to you. You heard His voice in the sight of the circling majestic hawks, in their piercing calls and in the power and glory of that moment.
Date: December 27, 2009
So sorry for your loss.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Date: December 27, 2009
You're such a brave soul. Your life journey is inspirational, though I wish it had been easier for you. I'm sure you've inspired others who are treading a dark path right now, though.
I've had some visitors on my blog from your site today. Thanks very much for posting the link.
Date: December 27, 2009
Bidden or Unbidden, God is There.
Blessings to you, RMPW.
Date: December 27, 2009
Very beautiful, the sharing of your soul. You bring us all "in" with your words and photos, MW. I grieve with you.
Date: December 27, 2009
God is always with us, but for the sadness sometimes it is hard to remember that fact. I am so sorry for your loss and share a similar loss ~ it has only been 3 years in October since I lost my father and some days the pain can be unbearable. I know what you go through and my heart and hugs go out to you.
And I'm sorry I neglected to mention Kiva… another wonderful and enlightening website to help sustain women. I have visited it several times since you sent me that gift certificate to use – I get email updates as the woman I loaned the money to repays her loan. It's inspiring to see her progress!
Date: December 27, 2009
That he is, Dear Friend! That he is.
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/
Date: December 28, 2009
Really good way of putting it, never thought of it like that…
"I spend time in this church of mine"
On another note, looking at the picture, I think I'd be feeling real homesick….Rocks and brown.
Date: December 29, 2009
Really good way of putting it, never thought of it like that…
"I spend time in this church of mine"
On another note, looking at the picture, I think I'd be feeling real homesick….Rocks and brown.
Date: December 29, 2009
I hope your faith brings you comfort especially during this difficult time of year.
Date: December 29, 2009
I sometimes find it hard to let go and let God.. I always want to be in charge..when we all know that is impossible. I know this is a hard time of year for you..I am sorry.
Date: December 30, 2009