It’s All About Me, Isn’t It?
- May 01, 2009
- Category: Daily Diary
- (24) Comments
A gentle rain is falling, the air fresh, the scent of pine surrounds me, buds are starting to appear on long naked trees. A snake slithers past me in the new grass, robins sing, frogs’ eggs fill the ponds promising soon the sound of croakers. Ah, so beautiful, so new, so fresh as the earth awakens from a long winter’s rest. So much promise as Red Pine Mountain is reborn. But my mood lately has stagnated in the darkest of winter.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been in a funk for so oh many reasons. In fact, the list is endless. My litany of complaints: my shoulder hurts, I can’t sleep, I’m not progressing fast enough in my riding, my dogs are over exuberant with the warm weather, the weather is too hot, the weather is too cold, everything is too expensive, I have nothing to write, the blog is a chore. Didn’t you get tired just reading the list? I did but that’s what’s been going on in my head non-stop as I have whined about all that is wrong. And, with every negative though I’ve had, another one pops up behind it and the list keeps on growing. I have been walking though a mire that refuses to release me.
I’ve gone through the motions, yes, I have managed to do that. I’ve worked with Khrysta, ran with the dogs in the woods but yet I haven’t been present in my life. I’ve been detached from it all and overwhelmed by demands on my life at a time when I’m in pain.
I’ve emailed my friends about my ennui and I have received wonderful support. Yet, the words that hit home with me were written yesterday by Linda after I complained to her about blogging, “…so the only thing to do is what you want.” Simple words, yes, but after reading those words, a light dawned within my mind. I am doing what I want. When I work with Khrysta and I experience pain in my shoulder from exertion, it has been my choice. Would I give up working with Khrysta? No, never for I experience so much of life through my relationship with that stubborn, yet wonderful horse. Would I give up hiking in the woods with the dogs because I’m sore and tired? Never, for it is through watching their gleeful abandon as they bound through the woods that makes my spirits soar. Would I give up blogging because I’ve had some struggles with my blog lately? No, for even if I fall sometimes, it is still my very personal place where I share my thoughts and hearts with you who take the time to read. My blog, my readers have given me untold joy.
I’m in pain, yes, but it’s nothing terminal, nothing life ending or threatening. Yet, I’ve put this pain in front of all the joy of my life.
Why have I gone astray lately? I know the answer. I’ve taken no time for God. I haven’t sat down in silence and remarked upon the beauty of His creation nor have I spent time in thankful prayer for all that I do have. I’ve been dedicated to the god of me and my complaints. And, as my relationship with God has taken a back seat, my negativity has increased.
This morning, I headed outside and said “Thank You” to God again. It was a first step towards lifting me out of the languor of self. I took out my Bible, read my favorite passages and my heart opened some more. Thankful, I’m thankful and from thankfulness, gratitude, a giving heart, all shall be well again.
I’d like to share Psalm 37, Verse 24, “Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.”
I’ve been seeking to hold up myself by myself and that is why I have fallen.
John 16, Verse 33:
“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
I had forgotten where true happiness abounds.
Beautiful! You are a true inspiration to all of us!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/
Date: May 01, 2009
It’s so easy to get sidetracked from what’s really important when you have all these things you want to accomplish and can’t for one reason or another. We feel frustrated, get irritable and whiny, but it’s always when we get back to basics and put everything in perspective that life seems simple again. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things, and nothing reminds me more of God’s presence than the rebirth that occurs in nature in Spring. It is truly remarkable and fills us with hope for the future.
Date: May 01, 2009
We all are incredibly guilty of the same things you described. I, for one, am an expert at complaining about the things that are a by-product of the choices I’ve made.
Thankfully we serve a gracious and forgiving God who loves us despite our short-comings.
Thanks for sharing – and for the reminder!
Date: May 01, 2009
Although I’m not a bible reader I find similar ways to raise myself up when the “funks” get to me. I wish you sunshine, and peace. I may not comment on every post, but please know that I do read every post and count your blog as one of my favorites! It would be a loss if you gave it up! Hoping for a better day for you!
Date: May 01, 2009
Well, I’m glad your feeling better.
Your first paragraph is truely what God bestows on us, his spring awakening of this earth.
I personally would be at a tremendous loss if you quit blogging. I personally find some of my inspirations from your writings.
I’m glad you’ve found yourself again. Your probably not even aware of how much you help others, with your writings! Especially,me, thank you!
Date: May 01, 2009
Sounds like cabin fever to me, you did the right thing-get out and spend some quality time with GOD!
Go back a few verses; Psalm 37:7
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
Date: May 01, 2009
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in bowls of silver.” Sounds like you got just the word you needed. It always starts with where we started FROM doesn’t it? I forget, too. Thanks for the reminder today.
Date: May 01, 2009
“I’ve been seeking to hold up myself by myself and that is why I have fallen”.
Always seems to work like that…I always need to remember…but of course don’t…thanks for the reminder.
Date: May 01, 2009
So inspirational and so uplifting. I hope that your realization lifts you from the funk you’re in.
“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” CS Lewis
Date: May 01, 2009
Psalms 37 is my favorite chapter in the whole Bible! I have so many verses underlined in that chapter!
I’ve just gone through a funk myself, so I know exactly what you mean. I, too, had let my Bible reading slip to the side.
When we skip meals, our immune system weakens and we lose physical energy. Similarly when we don’t get our daily spiritual food, our spiritual life weakens and we slip into depression and negativity.
I really do appreciate your sharing this with all of us today! You said it so clearly and beautifully!
*Hugs*
Date: May 01, 2009
Hi there. I can’t quote the Bible, but I do know there’s a passage that says something about God hearing our groans, he hears what’s in our hearts even when we can’t use the words. He’s still holding His hand out.
Date: May 02, 2009
Good to know that you have found the cure for all human sicknesses. Many are still searching hopelessly.
Date: May 02, 2009
OH! I want some verses to copy to take on our hike. Ps 37:24 is going on the list. Thank you! Funny how the answers always come back to the same place, don’t they. Best!
Date: May 02, 2009
I’m so glad that you are finding your way back. Lots of hugs to you
You always make me see myself in some way through what you write here. Every detail is not the same, but there is an undercurrent of truth that always resonates with me. That is what great writing is I think. Thank you for always taking us along on your journey, which is often the universal human journey. Thanks for reminding me today to say thank you to Him.
Date: May 02, 2009
Thank you everyone for your sweet thoughts and kind comments.
Linda, thank you! You have been a fantastic friend to me.
Chris, I appreciate our friendship so much and you are a blessing in my life.
Tami, thank you. It is wonderful to know God always loves us no matter what.
Cedar, thank you so much for your sweet comment.
Karen, thank you. I’m not quitting blogging. Sometimes I just get weighed down by it all and lose my path. It is readers such as you that keep me going.
Mommanator, thank you for pointing me backwards to a very important verse.
Robynn, yes, it does all go back to the beginning. Thank you.
Alan, I constantly have to remind myself. We are never alone nor are we meant to be the be all and end all. Thanks Alan.
Tara, thank you. You have been so wonderful to me with all the help you’ve given me in my contest and Operation Shoebox.
Homestay Mama, I loved what you wrote about nourishing our daily spiritual life. How beautifully put.
Carol, thank you. I’ve sure done my share of groaning lately and yes, God has been listening as He always does. I just need to pay attention.
Yeokeehui, I too feel sorry for those who don’t experience the power of Divine love.
Sharkbytes, the woods is where so much of my inspiration happens. What a great place to read Bible verses and contemplate Scripture.
Dori, hugs to you. Thanks so much for your comments about my writing. It’s important to me and lately I feel as though I’ve lost my voice but it is finally returning.
Date: May 02, 2009
Moutain Woman,this is a great posting,I thank you for stopping by my blog and offering the message that you did.I has helped.I have gotton my head together somewhat and decided to visit every body that left me a comment of support.
Date: May 02, 2009
Hi I just wanted to write to you. I saw your comment on OZ girl and read your comment AFTER I wrote mine. We are EXACTLY on the same page, almost word for word.
I will sit down in a bit to read your blog and I promise to post my comments, I am wanting to read the post about not spending time with GOD, it is almost like looking in a mirror,and you will see on my blog, I too live in the mountains, how weird is this? God bless, my friend!
Date: May 02, 2009
I am sorry to hear about your shoulder and understand about blogging being a chore sometimes.
I am glad you are beginning to feel better.
It does it all good to appreciate the things God has given us.
Take care of yourself.
Pam
Date: May 02, 2009
I’ve only just started blogging myself, but have seen Dori go through similar emotions. I am glad that you have found a fresh perspective on things and have a renewed vigour.
Thank you for dropping by my blog, and for your kind comments. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Date: May 02, 2009
I know exactly what you mean. When I’m sick, I’m in a funk too usually. A lot of how we feel depends on our attitude and you hit the nail right on the head here. Life certainly can get in the way of our fellowship with God if we let it. I’ve actually taken the time to write down the top ten things I am thankful for and posted it in my cubicle at work where I see it practically every day. As I read that list, it helps me keep an attitude of gratitude. Another thing I really enjoyed doing was going through my Bible and copying the verses I’ve underlined into a small journal book. It was a blessing doing that. Psalm 37 is one of my favorites as well!
Date: May 03, 2009
Mike, I’m so glad you’re feeling better and thanks for your very sweet words.
Jeanine, thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I’m off to visit you.
Pam, Now when I think of you, I see you zooming around the internet with your new high speed access. I bet blogging was a chore for you on dial up.
Brit Boy, thanks for dropping by. You are married to an incredible woman.
Karen, what a great idea to keep a list of things you are grateful for in front of you. It keeps you focused and reminds you of all we have.
Date: May 03, 2009
http://www.crystalcathedral.org/hour_of_power/index.php
I don’t usually ever watch Sunday church shows (bleck), but caught this and liked her
Date: May 04, 2009
Alan, thank you for the link. My great Aunt used to watch her “shows” every Sunday. I used to get such a kick of her enthusiasm but that was many, many years ago and things change.
Date: May 06, 2009
Your post was so eloquently spoken. It’s so true that time spent with the Father makes our lives much richer in every way. I have always dreamed of living in the forested mountains on so many acres. How blessed you are!
Date: May 06, 2009