An Explanation
- September 21, 2010
- Category: Daily Diary
- (44) Comments
My best friend is a 15 year old golden retriever named Faeden.
If you don’t consider animals a part of your family, this post will make no sense to you. That’s okay. My Mother isn’t crazy about animals either but Mountain Man and I are and our dogs are an integral part of our family; our children really and they mean the world to us.
A little over 14 years ago, I brought home an 8 week old bouncing baby boy golden retriever. I was interested in competing in obedience trials back then and I wanted to work with a golden retriever, a breed known for their willingness and capacity to excel at any task. I found the perfect puppy, a bundle of red, wiggly fluff and our journey began.
We went to puppy kindergarten together. Faeden was so wild the instructor came up to me and said “There, there dear, at least he’s a good looking puppy.” She doubted the ability of my squirming, always barking pup to manage the simplest challenge but I knew better.
Time passed and we went on to compete in obedience trials and he never let me down. He was a joy; always willing to try what I asked and always happy.
After we left the competitive obedience world, I began to teach obedience; puppy class mostly, and Faeden always accompanied me as my demo dog and partner. I told my students not to give up on their wild puppies because they would mature into remarkable dogs if given the chance and there was Faeden showing them just how a wild puppy can turn into a wonderful, mature dog.
When that chapter in our lives ended, we started visiting nursing homes and he brought joy to everyone he met as he seemed to know what each person needed. Maybe a wag of the tail or perhaps just some quiet time.
When my husband was killed, it was Faeden who kept me going. He slept with me in my big, empty bed, sat quietly with me for hours consoling me while I cried nonstop into his silky fur. He was my rock.
Then came Mountain Man and Faeden found a new dad who loved him as much as I did. “Old men together.” Mountain Man would always say to him as they’d sit by the wood stove or on the deck relaxing.
Age 14 came and Faeden was still going strong; a little slower and a little whiter but happy and healthy. Early this summer, he started to limp and I took him to the vet. The diagnosis was a little arthritis and the treatment was rest and some short walks and no more stairs. Mountain Man put in ramps everywhere and Faeden improved.
Last week was his 15th birthday and time for his physical. “I want to x-ray that shoulder.” the vet said. “Just to see what’s going on.” I suspected nothing. I was thinking the worst I’d hear was the arthritis was progressing. But the vet suspected something else.
The next day, she called me into her office, picked up the x-rays and showed me the bad news. There on the x-ray, clear as day, bone cancer. Six months left to live if we’re lucky, probably only a couple. A rapid moving, painful cancer that will travel into the lungs. Options? Not much for a dog his age. Amputation of the limb and chemotherapy but neither option will increase his life span.
I left in shock. How could my healthy appearing dog be dying? I couldn’t grasp the concept. I spent the day crying and the night throwing up from crying so much and then I cried some more the next day. I am not ready to let go. I’m not ready to lose my best friend.
But it’s not about me. It’s about Faeden. And saying goodbye to the best friend I’ve ever had who has always been there for me. I have gathered my strength and with the help of Mountain Man, we shall make these last days he is with us special and happy and when he tells us he is ready to leave, I will do all in my power to ease his final journey. He would do it for me. He’s my best friend.
That is why my dear friends I’ve been sad. Thank you for all your support and comments. They mean so much to me.
I’m so sorry. I do hope Faeden is not in much pain right now. I do understand because we have been through the loss of many of our animal friends over the years. I also know words won’t help a lot right now to ease the hurt that hangs in the bottom of your heart and stomach.
When our boys were growing up FarmMan brought home the cutest little part black lab part German Shepard puppy. The man(who had the puppy) was going” to do away” with him that evening.
For 14 years he was a part of our lives, part of the family. He suffered a stroke but managed to walk again. He was determined to stay with his family. But time won out and he couldn’t go on any longer one day.
We all still have so many memories we share with each other and pictures from the boys as babies to teenagers with our friend, family member and protector in each photo.
I know Faeden is loved and I know he knows it also.
Take care. Thoughts and prayers to you all.
Pam
Date: September 21, 2010
I have never read your blog before today, but felt that I had to comment. We have been through this before and lost our dear Duchess several years ago. She was 14 and had done very well except for hip problems in her later years and, ultimately, a stroke, which compelled the final decision to have her put down. There are no words to describe the pain. I can only tell you that you will just know when that moment comes and you will be making the kindest decision ever. I believe that we have been given charge over our animals, to love and protect them and to make those kinds of choices which are in their best interest. On reflection, I know that Duchess only had so many years to live as a dog and I know that we did all that we could to make them wonderful and she gave back in kind. You must know that to have a dog live as long as yours has, you have done everything right that an owner can do. They are family members and the grief is very real. I pray that you may be comforted by people around you who understand that very significant fact.
Date: September 21, 2010
I don’t know what to say, i’m crying too.
So much love.
Date: September 21, 2010
My heart is going out to you. We went through the same thing with our (red) golden retriever, Roxie. Comforting energies sent to all three of you.
Peace and Blessings,
Beth
Date: September 21, 2010
I am so sorry Sarah. I know the pain of losing a pet yet I wouldn’t give up the time we had together. It is so hard.
Date: September 21, 2010
I am so sorry,I grieve for you.We lost our beloved Buster this summer-Please remember youhave given Faeden a wonderful loved life-when he crosses the Rainbow Bridge he will be where there are other pups toplay,and he will be in no more pain.
Date: September 21, 2010
Oh, I just got home…and I’ll make sure and stop by later for a proper visit..but Faeden is just the handsomest dog I’ve ever seen… He melts my heart
…and yes, I do BELIEVE that animals can be just as much of a real family member…sometimes even more than our human family members 
I felt that way about my cat Bubba!!!! I had Bubba forever…and he was long-haired white cat and super fat…and I still miss hi m…I’ll be praying for you and the rest of the family during this time!!! He’s so blessed to have you to love on him and take care of him!!! Extra love and hugs from Oregon, Heather 
Date: September 21, 2010
You and Mountain Man are amazing. Faeden is truly blessed to be with you. It is a blessing that you will put his needs above your own desires. What role models you are in loving an animal enough to see them out with dignity.
Date: September 21, 2010
What a great dog! That is so cool the wild puppy participated in the obedience trials and helped you train other puppies! My friend has a golden retriever (her first one died). They are a very fun loving and friendly breed! We understand your sadness.
Date: September 21, 2010
I’m so sorry to hear your news. Animals truly touch our lives, each in a unique way. Every time I’ve lost one I thought could never be replaced….I was right. But another one was always sent, sooner or later, to bring us new insight into love. Faeden is so fortunate to have you two to give him the kind of life, and the transition, he deserves.
Date: September 21, 2010
I so understand. Our “kids” are everything to us! I really believe that that one day we will all meet on the other side.
Please know, I walk along side with you through this and I share your sadness and pain.
I always try to remember how lucky I am/was to have a certain animal in my life! Even though I give them the best possible life ever,
they give me more in return than I could ever imagine!
God Bless and warm hugs,,,xo, misha
Date: September 21, 2010
I am crying so hard for you, for Faeden and for my and my Thai, although that was nearly 15 years ago. He was my rock, you know I understand how you feel. He had the same cancer at age 13. We didn’t know it was there until it was already in his lungs, but he was catching frisbees with the kids an hour before we found out. It was too late to do anything, but I’d had him since I was 16 and he saw me through some of the toughest times in my life. To this day, he is an integral part of my thoughts every day. Thinking of you all. Many hugs and blessings on you all.
Date: September 21, 2010
Crud. I am so sorry. I lost my precious little cat to bone cancer in her hip.
{{HUGS}}
Date: September 21, 2010
Oh, I ‘m so very very sorry for you. It really is hard to lose a beloved pet.
Date: September 21, 2010
So sorry your dear friend has to go thru this!!! And you both too!!! I lost my Izzy kitty three years ago and still miss her.
Date: September 22, 2010
Oh dear,… I’ve been away from blogging for the summer and returned to my old routine today to find this sad news. I’m so sorry, my friend. Sorry for you and sorry for your beautiful boy. I do understand, they are our “kids”… Special thoughts going out to you all!
Date: September 22, 2010
I’m so sorry. It’s hard to lose a beloved pet. I hope your last days with him are quality.
Date: September 22, 2010
Mountain Woman, this is a poem I wrote after the passing of my best friend, a Mini Schnauzer named Sophie.
Dear Sophie,
You’ve gone on ahead,
My curly pup friend
Where in heaven have you found a home?
I’ll stay here awhile, to finish this trial,
While you chase in celestial field
Never a hound had heart as you did,
And I miss your cold black nose
But, I expect that when God
Calls to me “Time to go!”
He’ll send my most loyal of friends
And your scruffy gray head
Will appear at death’s bed
Then together we’ll make our way home.
Date: September 22, 2010
We understand your pain having gone through it ourselves.
I hope you can find even a small bit of comfort in knowing that you’re giving “your boy” a peaceful, loving, calm, beautiful and respectful end to a life well lived. Sometimes, it’s the best we humans can do.
Date: September 22, 2010
XOXOXO
My heart beats for you. I know how tough it is to lose a loved one, especially such a steady rock.
You were the best thing that happened to Faeden, you loved him so. He returned the favor when you needed him.
God bless you & Mountain Man.
Date: September 22, 2010
I completely understand your feelings during this time. 2 months ago I had to put down my boxer. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I wanted him to get better but it wan’t meant to be. I would n’t put him thru chemo just to have him a few more months. I’ve done chemo and I understood why I had to, he would not. He put his head on my lap and he was telling me to let him go. I had him for 8-1/2 yrs. Faedon is very blessed to be have reached 15. I know he has been a great comfort to you. You will know when the time is right., Faedon will tell you. Give him a big hug and kiss from me. Will be thinking of you and MM. Nuch love to all of you.
Date: September 22, 2010
So sad. Last Nov. 12 at 6:03in the morning my little Brandy left this world to go to the other side. She was 15 yrs. old and the best dog in the world. i told her that every day of her life. She too was my best friend. It’s never easy to say good-bye but I know she is not in pain any longer and her eyesight is perfect now. They do leave a very big hole though. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you.
Date: September 22, 2010
Oh, gosh… this is my story of losing Chips all over again. I know how you feel. I really do. Why do dogs have to have such short lives? http://myqualityday.blogspot.com/2009/02/in-memory-of-hoover-houdini-chips.html
Date: September 22, 2010
Faedon is blessed to have such a loving home, and you have been blessed by having him. This was so sad to read, and it is so very hard to lose our pets who such a big part of our family. It literally feels like your heart is breaking, and just know there are those out here that have experienced it, too. Enjoy every minute with Faedon, and God bless.
Date: September 23, 2010
I’m so, so sorry to hear of this news about Faeden. They bring only love into our lives and it’s distressing and disheartening to see them struggle and to even bear the thought of losing them is heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you and Mountain Man but I also know that Faeden has had the best life he could ever hope for and his heart will always be with you. Enjoy your final time together and know that we’re thinking of you here in Ontario.
Andrea
Date: September 23, 2010
You always have to do what is best for your best friend even though it hurts like hell and you are sure life will never be the same. He has had some wonderful years with you..it is those good memories that you must cling to now as you gently let go to let him run free and like a little pup again:)
Date: September 23, 2010
That saddens me to know end let me tell you. I have always been an animal lover and like you I consider my dog Sampson to be a very big part of my family.
There is not much to say that has not already been said other than we are here if you need something.
Whitetail Woods Blog / Blackpowder Shooting
Date: September 23, 2010
I have a Jack Russell as a best friend, and I lost my husband without notice to a heart attack. I get it and I’m so sorry.
Date: September 23, 2010
oh, how well I remember feeling the same way last year around Thanksgiving when we found out that our 18 yr old MoJo who came into my husband’s life as a 10 week old rescued pup had heart failure…then came the seizures…we cherished our days with her, and she lasted a month after her diagnosis…like you I had trouble explaining to our non-pet-lover family why I had stopped eating, why i was feeling like a member of my family was dying…the grief of an animal lover is often very private and misunderstood.
Sending you hugs. I know you will follow your hearts, just like we did with MoJo. Your dear sweet boy will let you know when it’s time-our girl did. It didn’t make it easier , but it gave us the sign we needed so desperately.
Many hugs. You have given him a wonderful life, and apparently he has returned the favor. The way of our beloved dogs, simple as that.
Date: September 23, 2010
Celestine and I have lost 2 of our cats to cancer and 2 dogs as well.Hugs and warm thoughts headed your way.
Date: September 24, 2010
I’m so sorry to hear this Sara. My heart is breaking for you and for Faeden. My prayers are with all of you. When his time comes to cross the Rainbow Bridge, know that he had the most incredible life possible with you. Hugs to you and soft strokes for Faeden.
Date: September 24, 2010
I really do know how sad and hard it is. I still keep a picture of my 2 favorite dogs on the wall with the rainbow bridge poem printed within it. I also keep their 2 leashes hanging/draped over the picture frame.
…in case you never read it… http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm
Date: September 24, 2010
Seven years ago we adopted our precious Bella, a then 7-8 yr old Golden from the pound. She quickly became such a wonderful part of our family. It was evident that she had been abused and it took some time for her to truly trust us. Even then, she had her moments. A simple trip to the groomers would leave her sulking for days. The groomers never put her in a crate, but rather let her be on the front office at the desk with all the excitement. She would often go visiting the neighbors to go swimming and they would treat her to a steak dinner by the fireplace. She just had that way about her – she drew people in. Everyone who came across her loved her.
Three years ago we took Bella to the vet; she just wasn’t acting her usual self. Tests revealed that she had Lyme’s Disease and was quickly put on medication. A few days later we left for vacation at the lake, of course bringing Bella with us. The medication seemed to do wonders and she was back to her active self spending most of her time in and out of the lake over that week. When we returned home however, she made a turn for the worse, and could not walk at all and struggled to breath. I rushed her to our vet who kept her over the next few days to run tests and to observe her. One evening we received a call – the vet had decided to take x-rays of her lungs and found that our Bella was completely covered in cancer – everywhere. Our vet said that she was going to treat Bella overnight with medication and that we would need to make the decision to either bring her home so that she could be with us over her final days or to help her pass on. It was a decision we were not ready to face and in the end, didn’t have to make. In the morning our vet called to let us know that Bella had passed on her own during the night.
Bella will always be missed – there isn’t a day that goes by that she isn’t in our thoughts and her passing has left a hole in our hearts. My biggest regret is that she wasn’t here at home with us when she passed, knowing how much she was loved, but rather at the vets office, in a cage, that I know she hated.
My heart is with you as you face the more than difficult decisions ahead with Faeden. Enjoy this time you have left together – friends like him don’t come around everyday.
{{{Hugs}}}
Date: September 25, 2010
Bless you and your family at this sad time.It is so good to see others in this hard world with such good hearts.May Faedens passing be gentle and may your grief be moderated with the precious memories you will always have. My prayers are with you.
Date: September 25, 2010
This is such sad news. Your companion for all these years. He sounds like a perfect friend and so smart! You know he loves you too. I’m so sad for you.
xxoo
Deborah
PS If you want me to put your post on my paws and prayer site, I would be happy too. Just send me an email at dgm1930@gmail.com I will keep Faeden and you & Mountain Man in my prayers.
Date: September 26, 2010
Oh I am so sorry to learn about your poor Faeden. I can imagine the heartbreak you are going through right now. Such a terrible thing to happen to such a faithful friend. He’s is a very lucky fellow to have you and mountain man to love him so much and I know his last days will be filled with comfort love and tenderness along with tears. You also have been very lucky to have had such a wonderful faithful friend to carry you through your past heartache. He has lived a wonderful life and you know that it was a happy one too. Faeden was there with you when you found your Mountain man and now Mountain Man will be there for you when the time comes. My heart goes out to you…I wish I could give you a hug. I will be thinking of you.
Maura
Date: September 26, 2010
I’ve been there, Sara. I’ve taken 2 young kitties to the vet, thinking it was something simple, only to be told that the animal needed to be put down right then and there. I know the feeling of falling inside of yourself–your stomach tightening and the tears welling up in your throat.
I’m so sorry to hear that your dear dog friend has limited time, but you have TIME! You have time to hug and kiss him, knowing that your time is not long. You have time to tell him everything you want and to thank him for being such a good friend. And you have time to prepare.
He will tell you when it is time. Somehow, you just know when the battle is over and the time to let go is here. Will you be ready? Nope. Your mind knows, but your heart never does.
I pray that your time remaining is full of joy and memories, Sara. And I hope your friend doesn’t suffer. I am sending love and hugs as I know how your heart is breaking.
Date: September 26, 2010
I’d like to say something profound, something comforting, something that will ease your pain. But nothing will come except tears.
I’m sorry is so inadequate, but it’s all I have to offer until I can pull myself together.
Date: September 27, 2010
I am so, so sorry and send my best love and thoughts to you and your bestest friend. Beautiful dog, beautiful friend.
Date: September 27, 2010
I am crying, Dear Sara! Oh, how I wish I could help. I hate it when our furry animals friends have to go…their lives are way too short, way too short.
Words are not adequate, but you are right. You must do for him as he would do for you.
I am so sorry.
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Date: September 29, 2010
I’m so sorry that you and Faeden are having to go through this. We lost our 7 year old Leonberger to bone cancer about a year and a half ago. It was devastating because he was so young.
You are so blessed to have had Faeden share your life with you for 15 years. That is an amazing life! Enjoy the time left with Faeden…and don’t focus on the end of his life.
An excellent book that deals with coping with terminal illnesses in dogs is The Legacy of Beezer and Boomer.
Date: September 30, 2010
I am so sorry, Sara! I know what you’re going through. I went through it earlier this year when my Athena got cancer of the nervous system. It is very hard to lose a beloved pet.
Hugs and prayers.
Date: October 03, 2010
Faeden the beautiful hearted. He is so sweet not to speak up and bother you too much, with his ailement.
I’m so sorry that he is ill.
I now see the cloud in your heart that has poured down, some inner rains. He shared your first love and now your second…he is very much FAMILY.
Hang in there dear…he is in gods loving hands here with you, and he does know it!
Kac
Date: October 06, 2010
I am so very very sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this time is for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Date: October 06, 2010