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A Fearless Leader?

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I have read so much lately about horses wanting their riders to be their leaders and on top of that their leaders are supposed to transmit no fear whatsoever through their bodies while in the saddle. One mistaken breath, one mistaken sigh and your horse is supposed to decide to take matters into her own capable mare hooves. I can honestly say I’m not a natural leader. On the Facebook personality quiz, I got the answer I’m 100% agreeable and I doubt any competent leaders are agreeable all the time. My mare, who I know is way smarter than me, senses this reluctance to take charge and uses it to her advantage from time to time.

Hunting season ended my trail riding and then ice storms set in and I found myself crawling to the barn in an attempt to preclude falling on my behind. There was no way I could run the risk of riding. Khrysta could have slipped and been hurt.

On top of the hostile weather, I decided to foster a pony this winter and it was instant love between Khrysta and Frisky. I was happy for them both. They were wrapped up in their horsey world and I was cozy on the couch drinking hot chocolate and contemplating the meaning of life.

But, then the weather turned more conducive to riding and I was ready to jump in that saddle. Khrysta had other ideas. Maybe it was the fact that she resented my new nickname for her “Jelly Belly” or maybe she didn’t want to leave her beloved Frisky. No matter the reason, we were unable to venture out beyond our snowy driveway. I kicked her, I bargained with her and one day in a fit of desperation, I even tried using a crop but she just reared higher with each attempt. And, I can take a hint. I had no interest ending up in the snowbank so I let her hang out with Frisky and called my trainer.

Anna arrived and in her most competent way jumped onto the back of my cranky mare and rode her all over. Jelly Belly jumped, she pranced, she did all manner of tricks but Anna said she was just “feeling good.” Hmm, what would she do if she felt bad? I tried riding her again after Anna left but no success so Mountain Man and I decided the best thing for my safety was to send my very young mare back to Anna for intensive training.

We picked her up Saturday after a month with Anna. I had visited her during this time and she was always glad to see me so I thought we’d resume where we left off in the fall, as best friends. I should have known when Anna told me that she was “full of it, not naughty but full of it” that I’d have my work cut out for me.

I immediately tried to ride her Saturday after she arrived home. Either she grew while she was away or I shrunk because the ground looked very far away but I took a deep breath and we headed out. We got to the driveway and then my beloved Jelly Belly decided she’d had enough for the day and let me know it. My body, weak from all those hot chocolates I imbibed this winter, couldn’t stop her. Oh well, here we go again I thought. But, I didn’t call Anna. No way was I going to admit defeat.

I decided to start again from the beginning. Each day has found me lifting weights, running on the treadmill and stretching to get my aching body back in shape and when I wasn’t working on my elderly muscles, I was hanging out with Khrysta in the pasture. Soon, we were bonding again and I knew I had achieved success when she lay down in my lap once more to take a snooze.

I got on her again on Wednesday. She started out and immediately tried her antics. I said a quick prayer, took a deep breath and started to sing the theme song from “Mr. Ed.” My Jelly Belly cocked her ear back to hear the screeching that is my singing and decided maybe she just better move along. We had quite a ride that day. She jumped at everything but I stayed on. In order to keep breathing, I kept on singing and we made it home in one piece. Oh, I was so sore but I made it.

The past couple of days have been even better. We made a bargain that if she jumps less, I’ll stop singing so we are enjoying the trails in peace. Our bond is stronger and our trust has returned.

I know all the books say you have to step in and take charge of your horse but I think the thing they are forgetting to mention is that you have to have trust. She has to trust you and you have to trust her to a certain extent as well. That kind of relationship can only be built by time shared together.

This dream of mine, to ride again, to have a relationship with a horse has taught me a lot. I have learned every time I put an Oreo cookie in my mouth or skip my stretching session, I will pay for it when I sit in the saddle. Khrysta has learned that if she gives in to my desires, her ears will not be assaulted by the noise that passes for my singing.

All I can say is that 30 years ago if you asked me what I’d be doing when I was 54, I would never have answered trail riding a horse and singing her songs. Life is truly an adventure.